Working Through It: Men and Women
Can Have Successful Careers
and Relationships
Author: Juneau Works
Date: November 06, 2006
Men and women are often at odds over the role of money and career advancement. Money, marriage and careers. Separately, these three issues have their own hindrances. Together, they can be a recipe for disaster - depending on who you ask, that is.
This sometimes volatile and often frustrating mix can cause a litany of opinions from either side of the issue. A recent article posted on Forbes.com raised more than just eyebrows at the authors warning to men against marrying "career women."
"Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career," the author, Michael Noer, began his article.
Though at first glance, Noer's article may seem sexist, and despite a few questionable statements, the issue of two career-minded individuals struggling to have a successful relationship isn't a far-fetched one.
Under fire
According to the 2005 American Community Survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, 52.1 percent of married-couple families have both spouses working. Couple that with staggering divorce rates and the increased demand for job productivity, and the stress on a marriage can be detrimental.
Of course there are facts and personal anecdotes supporting either side of the issue, but the real question here is this: Do today's working women have to sacrifice healthy relationships for prosperous careers?
Liz Bywater, president of Bywater Consulting Group LLC, an organizational consulting firm based in Yardley, Pa., doesn't think so.
"Certainly, both men and women with high-power jobs may struggle to find career success while remaining connected to their families," she explains. "Often, the strain is more difficult for women, who are generally expected to maintain the home regardless of work status. This does not, however, translate into her being a less reliable or suitable spouse."
Joint effort
Sure, there may be some give and take in a relationship with two working professionals, but, as many couples who have succeeded at this balance can attest, compromise can go a long way.
"Having two careers or incomes can truly be helpful to a marriage as it evens out the playing field, leaves less room for a husband to feel that he's solely responsible for the family's financial well-being and possibly even be parental toward his wife with respect to giving her money to spend - the money is viewed as his to possibly share or not," continues Bywater, adding that her example is, of course, a generalization. "The at-home wife may feel subservient or intimidated by her working husband, or less-entitled to use the family money than he is."
This is an issue with many angles and opinions, but the mere presence of certain points of view hearken back to the days of housewives vacuuming in pearls and red lipstick. Needless to say, articles such as Noer's highlight the difficult balance of work and family life.
"Career women offer more than money - they offer their husbands four freedoms, plus psychological security and financial flexibility," says Warren Farrell, a gender-issue expert and author of "Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the Pay Gap - and What Women Can Do About It" (Amacom, $23). "The four freedoms are the freedom to pursue careers they love more that pay less; the freedom to raise children; the freedom to speak honestly to one's boss; the freedom to change careers. They also offer their husbands the psychological security of knowing they are not just loved for their wallet, and if he loses his job, they won't be desperate."
Big deal?
For the average family, two working spouses is the norm. In fact, it's often the only way families can make ends meet - especially when children are involved.
So what's all the fuss about? Many working families would raise this question to those men who are intimidated by successful women. But in reality, it's the effort put forth by each person that creates success and happiness in such relationships.
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